


Whispers in the Dark

by reddish



Series: The Tiara Chronicles [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, LotSB, ME2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddish/pseuds/reddish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tara helped Liara claim the title of Shadow Broker, but she's feeling surprisingly uninformed about the status of their relationship. Time to clear the air.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whispers in the Dark

Tara sat on the edge of her bed, mulling over the events that had just transpired over the last couple of days. The scenes kept replaying in her mind, particularly the moments when Liara's lips touched hers again.

It made her chest ache, thinking about that moment when all the pain and stress and frustration of the last two years were gone, and they just felt close to each other again. Coming down from the heat of a battle – they had operated like the Normandy's crash was only yesterday –it hurt so much more when Liara's walls rose again. It was like losing _her_ this time.

The truth was so simple it hurt: She didn't want to lose her. Not to grief, not to herself, not to Feron, not to this new gig as the Shadow Broker, and certainly not to Reapers.

 Tara rolled onto her side, facing the empty spot on her large bed. _Enough._

"EDI," she called out, knowing the AI would be listening.

"Yes, Commander Shepard? How may I assist you?"

"Tell Joker to take the Normandy back to Hagalaz."

"Yes, Commander."

Tara counted down the seconds in her mind. Without fail, Joker was on the comm in five.

"Shepard, some unfinished business you need to attend to?"

"Shut up, Joker," Tara groaned.

"I mean, the galaxy can totally wait for your love drama to play itself out, I'm sure."

Tara threw a pillow at the speaker helplessly. "The galaxy's not getting shit if I don't get this cleared up. Please don't give me a hard time about this."

There was a respectful moment of silence. "Sorry, Commander. We'll be there in a couple hours. Tell her hi for me."

"With any luck, you can tell her hi yourself when she comes on board."

"Oh-hooooo," Joker cackled.

"FOR DRINKS AND DISCUSSION, GO AWAY."

* * *

 

There Liara stood, dressed in a new set of armor that hung in all the right places, at her almighty information terminal. The asari's back was turned when Tara entered, but Glyph was quick to greet her.

"Good afternoon, Commander Shepard," the floating drone chirped.

"Hey, Glyph," Tara said awkwardly, before realizing the change. "Wait, you got my name right!”

Liara chuckled, back still turned. "Yes, I found out his scanner was jammed, and corrected it. Should be less of an--" Liara began turning around, but lost track of her voice when she saw Tara.

Tara felt her face flush, and she immediately had second thoughts about her outfit of choice. She was still on a ship traveling through a lightning dust storm, where she and Liara had taken out countless lives only days before. Armor probably would have been the safer bet.

But Kasumi be damned - she wore her slinky black dress, heels, and a silver clasp necklace across her throat. Most importantly, it looked like it was having the intended effect.

"Tara, you look... very nice," Liara offered lamely.

"You think? I don't get to go out in anything but armor very often, so I thought..." she trailed off. _What did you think, Tara? That you’d come sweep her off her feet? That this would convince her to come back to you? What are we **doing** here?_

Liara smiled at Tara, but the smile did not quite reach her deep blue eyes. "You are beautiful, Shepard. I just..."

That sinking feeling returned to Tara's chest and stomach. She tried to cut her off at the pass, but her words faltered as well. "Liara, I'm not... I mean..." A sigh.

They both stopped talking, staring at each other helplessly.

_Fuck it._

Tara walked over to where her friend (girlfriend, ex-girlfriend?) stood, cleared her throat, and bravely proclaimed: "Liara, I want to talk about us." Part of being brave, Tara realized, was ignoring the desperate need to run and hide. But she felt like she had just lobbed a live grenade in to the middle of the room, and she didn’t want to see how it turned out.

Liara winced, as though she had been hoping that was not about to come out of Tara's mouth. "Shepard,” she started slowly. “About the kiss? I know… Look, We had just finished fighting for our lives, adrenaline was racing, I..."

Tara frowned. "You only kissed me because you were excited about killing a Yahg? I'll find more evil Yahgs, if that's what it takes."

Some of the tension fractured, rolling off both of their shoulders in waves.

Liara chuckled, holding a hand to her head as she shook it. "You know what I mean, Tara."

"I do. But I also know that it's more than that. Or it was. I hope it was."

Liara grimaced up at her. "It's been two years, Tara. I _grieved_ you. Yes, I knew where your body was, and I knew there was a chance Cerberus could rebuild you, but… there was so much I didn't know."

"Like?" Tara tilted her head.

"Like whether you'd really be you. Whether you'd hate me for what I'd done. Whether you'd even remember me, or what we had. I _had_ to grieve you, or I'd have gone insane with waiting and anticipation."

"I can still drive you insane with anticipation," Tara offered, a hopeful smirk on her lips. Try as she might, the light fueling that hope was dying fast.

"I remember," Liara shared the glance with her, a real smile breaking across her face. "But it's..."

Tara shook her head, jumping in after her. "Liara, I am not going to pressure you. I'm not even going to blame you for telling me you've moved on or you just can't or... whatever it is. I'll respect it. It'll hurt like a bitch, but I respect you and myself too much to hold it against either of us. I just want you to know that I don't blame you for anything. My death, my return in Cerberus's hands, being distant from me, any of it. I get it."

She paused for breath, feeling fresh tears well in her eyes as she tried to find the words that needed to come next. They came, finally, though her throat tried to close around them.

"But I still love you. I love you as much as I did the day I died, because it wasn't two years for me. It was practically yesterday. I wake up, and I wonder why you're not next to me. I wonder why your coffee cup isn't on my desk with your textbooks. I wonder why my cabin doesn't smell like you. I just miss you so much I can barely stand it."

When Tara met her eyes again, Liara’s cheeks were streaked with her own fallen tears. Despite the pain, her slender arms wrapped around Tara's waist in a gesture of support.

Tara continued, weakly. "I just need us to talk about this. When you're ready, but... soon. I need to know, so I can start taking my two years of grieving, if I need to. You know, after the galaxy is saved or whatever."

"Okay," Liara nodded after a long inhale. "Let's do this over drinks on the Normandy, in a few minutes. I don't want to talk here. It's too cold for that."

Tara let a hand fall onto one of Liara's. "Thank you. I'll go over there now. Come aboard when you're ready, okay?"

* * *

Tara cleaned up the cabin in a rush as Liara was being shown around the new ship by Miranda. She was on her third fluffing of the pillows and dusting of the headboard when the doors slid open behind her.

Tara’s heart leapt into her throat when she saw her, dressed in an elegant, playful purple evening gown that reached the floor, hugging every curve tightly on its way down. Liara was stunning. But then, she always was.

"Wow," Tara said, trying not to let her gaze linger too long. "You look amazing."

Liara gave a small twirl then smiled down at Shepard from the entryway. "I brought wine," she announced, holding out a bottle she had stowed behind her back.

"Good," Tara affirmed. "Wine is good."

Once the wine was poured into respectable enough glasses, the ladies settled onto the segment couch in the "bedroom" portion of Shepard's cabin. Liara took one length of it, and out of respect and apprehension, Tara chose the other.

Nothing was said at first. Neither of them knew how to begin.

Liara glanced over her shoulder at the glowing aquarium in the room, then her eyes narrowed in confusion.  "You don't have any fish," she observed.

Tara coughed. "Uh, turns out I'm kind of bad at remembering to feed them. I mean, I didn't ask for the aquarium in the first place. I have a hamster, though! His name is Charles."

A tiny squeak came from her office, making them both laugh.

"So," Liara drew the word out before taking a sip of wine. "Shepard, I... it seems like you have a great deal on your plate. Even more than before. How are you really doing?"

Tara took a gulp of wine and set the glass down on the table before them. "I'm holding it together. The team is getting stronger, more ready. As ready as we can be, I guess."

"It's just me, Tara. How are _you?_ "

Tara let out a sigh that left her feeling utterly deflated. Her back curled forward with the effort, and her head came to rest in her hands.

"I'm tired," she admitted. "I don't know if I'm going to be getting all of us killed for no reason. I don't know if we can actually win this, or if we can ever really be prepared for what we're going to be facing. And I feel like every second I spend fixing one problem, a thousand other plates are crashing down around me." She paused and shook her head in determination.

"I have to stop the Collectors. Easy enough, right? But it turns out, to do _that_ I have to amass this team and they all have their own issues that need dealing with, and the Alliance needs me on some things, and Cerberus has me going everywhere, so colonies are still being taken. Those lives are on me. I need to be faster, I need to be better. I shouldn't even be here, doing this, but I can't... I can't walk away and pretend this isn't keeping me awake at night. And that doesn't help anybody."

Liara stood from her seat, placed her wine glass on the table, and reseated herself beside Tara. She took Tara's hands in her own and squeezed them firmly.

"You are doing everything you can. More than anyone else could. It's why Cerberus wanted your body, why they didn't just train new forces to go after the Collectors and the Reapers. They need _you_. We need you. And yes, the galaxy is under attack, but you're doing what must be done. And I..." Liara trailed off, biting down on her soft lip.

"What is it?"

Liara hung her head, avoiding her gaze.

"I don't want to be a distraction to you. I don't want to put you at risk like this. I don't want to complicate your life, hurt you even more than I already have."

"What do you mean?"

Liara looked up, and Tara’s eyes watched a single tear run free. "Cerberus wanted you back to save the galaxy, and I knew it was the right thing to do. But it's not why I wanted you back, Tara. I wanted _you_ back. But as soon as I gave you to them, I knew I could never truly have you again. That I would just put you at more risk, and I could not risk losing you again. Even if I couldn't be with you, I wouldn't be responsible for your death. Not again."

Tara slid her hands up to Liara's cheeks, cupping her face softly. "Liara, you _aren't_ responsible for my death."

"You say that, but --" Liara tried to shake out of her grip, so that she could look away. Tara held strong.

"No, please. Listen. I died. I must have hurt you so badly, I can't even imagine. But when I woke up in the Cerberus facility, aching, scarred, weak and under attack, the first thought I had was, 'Did Liara make it?'

"You can't stop me from thinking about you, Liara. Death couldn't stop me. You've grown so amazingly strong over the last two years, and you already outpaced me. You’ve always showed me that you can hold your own, but… I still worry about you. Because _I love you_. Removing yourself from me won't stop that. Being with me couldn't possibly make it any worse or any more distracting than it already is.

"Just... please, don't sacrifice yourself for me. If that's what you're doing, it'll only hurt us both. I learned that the hard way."

Liara’s single tear had a multitude of partners by the time Tara stopped speaking, and they were joined by her own. She was trembling under her hands, body restrained with emotion she did not want to show.

"I can't lose you again," Liara whispered, voice shaking.

"You won't," Tara promised, a ferocity to her words that surprised even her. “Hell itself couldn’t keep me from coming back to you. The Collectors and the Reapers don’t stand a chance.”

A weak laugh rose from Liara, leaving Tara confused. She released the girl's face from her hands, and asked, "What?"

Liara sniffled. "You think you'd go to hell? My understanding of human afterlife mythology is different than yours, I guess."

It was Tara's turn to laugh. "Well, I have had a lot of unmarried sex with a gorgeous non-human. That's got to be racking up some points in the hell direction, from some of the religions I was taught anyway."

Liara blushed. "Your morality system leaves much to be desired."

Tara took a moment to look over her beautiful guest. "I'd say."

Liara rolled her eyes as she dabbed at their undersides and her cheeks with a tissue. "Has anyone ever told you that you are an insufferable flirt?"

"Mmm, nope. Maybe I'm just good at reading signals."

"Signals like, '40 foot drop ahead' in the Mako?"

"More like, your hand is on my thigh and you wore the prettiest dress you own to come see me."

Liara blushed a deeper shade of purple. "So did you."

"How about that?" Tara asked, voice dropping as she leaned in closer to Liara. Liara tilted her head to the side, so that Tara nuzzled into the soft skin of her neck.

"Tara," Liara said softly, one hand running through the woman's red-brown hair. "Say we move ahead with this again."

"Mmhmm," Tara acknowledged, wrapping her arms around Liara's waist.

"You'll have to go again. Through the Omega 4 relay, to the Collectors. Can you still promise me a future for us?"

"Liara," Tara whispered near the folds of her ear. "I see marriage, old age – mine – and tiny blue babies. I see houses on Thessia and Earth and apartments on space stations. I see you working from home as the Shadow Broker, and me bringing you coffee and protecting you from harm. I see life together. That's what I'll be seeing when I go through the Omega-4 relay, and what I'll be seeing when I come back. You're what I fight for. Always."

Liara melted into her embrace, tension and rigidity flowing out of her muscles as Tara spoke.

"You always know just what to say," Liara mused, kissing at Tara's neck.

"Maybe because I'm an insufferable flirt."

"You'll find that I am long-suffering," Liara countered.

"I plan to find out. Do you?"

Liara exhaled deeply, but nodded into Tara's neck. "I do."

"Oh, thank God." Tara slumped forward against Liara, the facade of casual strength breaking down. She clung to Liara tightly, arms locked around her middle.

"I love you," Tara whispered.

Liara returned the near-desperate embrace. "I never stopped loving you, Tara. Not for a second out of those two years. I'm not going to stop now."

"Can we kiss now? For real? With no bullshit excuses afterward?"

"Oh, Goddess, yes please."

 


End file.
